I'm not even sure how to start this.
I'm an extrovert. But I enjoy my own time. I call it "me time" when I actually schedule in a day or a portion of the day for just me, to do whatever I want to do, alone. When "me time" is over, I generally feel pretty good about myself, my life, where I'm at, etc. I feel renewed, and ready to take on the world.
I didn't have an official "me time" today, but I was able to get some thinking done, and I'm slightly confused with my emotions. I won't mention the things that have been on my mind, or go into detail about any of that...but after my thinking...
I instantly felt lonely. Then about 30 seconds later, I felt ready to take on the world, then another 30 seconds later, I felt like I wasn't being myself, another 30 seconds later, I felt like I was in a dark mood if you know what I mean. Then I felt determination to change things in my life to make it better for me. And now I feel lonely again.
Right now, I feel like I have to shut the world out. I'm currently sitting in the dark, with a lone (but adorable) "night light" in the shape of a pink chubby butterfly turned on, that my mother gave me. The reason why I left it on is because when I look at it, I'm reminded that I'm someone's baby. When I look at it, I feel warmth in my heart because I know I'm loved and cared for in a way that nobody else can care for me. Who knew a night light could have that much meaning?
I don't really have a point to this post. It's just to get my thoughts out, which I usually do on paper. But it's nearly 2am and I'm really tired...and I happen to type faster than I can write with ink.
Sometimes, I wonder, "what happened to my life?" I'm not unhappy with myself or my life, but what happened? Where did all the time go? I wish I could've gotten so much more done, or have done things better (like getting better grades in college). How did I get to the weight I'm at now? Why did it take so long for me to part from my ex-boyfriend? Why am I still not ready to date? Why do I feel like I'm going to die early? ...okay, that was depressing, but it's true. I've always felt like I was going to die young, in some random tragedy. I honestly, didn't think I'd ever have reached the age I'm at right now. Yes, this just took a depressing turn.
I'll stop. My thoughts are just getting twisted up even more. haha. Maybe I'll try the paper and ink thing tomorrow.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Where I'm at Today...part 2
Here's a quick update from "Where I'm at Today" part 1...
My second nephew turned one.
The larger agency that hired me full-time is NOT a non-profit organization like I thought it was.
Adele concert was AWESOME!!!!
Application process for grad programs have started.
I put in a notice for my part-time non-profit company.
I made 2 New Years Resolutions this year.
So, like I mentioned, my full-time company turned out not to be a non-profit organization like I thought it was. I guess it USED to be, when I first heard about them, several years ago. However, at some point, they turned into a for-profit business and it kinda hurts me a little bit. But I've been pleased with them so far, and they will be good for me during grad school. So I'll stick with it. I put in my two weeks notice several weeks ago, for my other job. I told them my last day would be Jan 1st, 2012, however, I told them I'd stick around to fill-in on the Sundays that I'd be free, until they hire someone for it as long as I'm available those days. So I'm going back there again next weekend. Which is fine because I love those girls that live at that group home. I've also gotten permission from their guardians to continue contact with them, as well as being able to pick them up for one-on-one's as friends.
One of my consumers at my original house with my full-time house passed away in November. Ever since then, I've been floating at other houses since my hours got cut from that house. I finally took a part-time position at one house under the same director. And she's still working on getting another part-time position at another house so I can have 2 part-time houses where I'd be working a total of 40 hours. It's confusing, but I don't want to get into all the details. So right now, my schedule still feels a bit hectic, but I'm doing my best to stay sane.
I haven't been to the gym very often since August, and I'm glad I went today. I swam 80yds in 30 minutes, which is slow. But I will work on going more frequently to improve my swim, and to do other exercises.
I've made two New Years Resolutions this year.
1) Live life slowly. It's so easy for us in this modern world, to rush into things and not take our time. Everything around us is "improving" and getting "easier." But I'm not too sure I want that. Sure, I still use cell phones, but I've never relied on it too much, and I don't plan on changing that. I want to be able to notice things around me more. I want to be able to appreciate the small things in life more. I don't want to miss anything.
2) To do my best to reduce Electromagnetic Radiation around me. For example, I plan on either finding a battery operated alarm clock to leave by my bedside, or to move my plug-in alarm clock further away from my bed; no longer charging or leaving my cell phone by my bedside at night; removing the power strip by my bed (I only have one thing plugged into it); to use my cell phone less; etc.
I'm now freaking out about grad school applications. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I've already missed a couple deadlines for some schools. Which I'm not terrified about because I can always apply for those ones next year, if I don't get into one this year. But I my first really important one is due in 6 days and I'm not even halfway ready for it.
OH! Another update is that I've decided to start my first natural medicine collection. I've already created a short list of items to start with in small amounts to see how they work on me. I'd like to try to get an affordable wall cabinet for the bathroom with a glass window/door, so I can put them in there. Natural meds are awesome for decor because they can be put in glass jars and bottles and they natural oils give off different colors, etc. I think it'll look kinda old school and I'm excited for that.
Anyhow, that's what I've been up to lately. I have class starting up again on the 10th, so I will probably feel crazy again. But I'll do my best to stop by and blog more about more interesting things.
My second nephew turned one.
The larger agency that hired me full-time is NOT a non-profit organization like I thought it was.
Adele concert was AWESOME!!!!
Application process for grad programs have started.
I put in a notice for my part-time non-profit company.
I made 2 New Years Resolutions this year.
So, like I mentioned, my full-time company turned out not to be a non-profit organization like I thought it was. I guess it USED to be, when I first heard about them, several years ago. However, at some point, they turned into a for-profit business and it kinda hurts me a little bit. But I've been pleased with them so far, and they will be good for me during grad school. So I'll stick with it. I put in my two weeks notice several weeks ago, for my other job. I told them my last day would be Jan 1st, 2012, however, I told them I'd stick around to fill-in on the Sundays that I'd be free, until they hire someone for it as long as I'm available those days. So I'm going back there again next weekend. Which is fine because I love those girls that live at that group home. I've also gotten permission from their guardians to continue contact with them, as well as being able to pick them up for one-on-one's as friends.
One of my consumers at my original house with my full-time house passed away in November. Ever since then, I've been floating at other houses since my hours got cut from that house. I finally took a part-time position at one house under the same director. And she's still working on getting another part-time position at another house so I can have 2 part-time houses where I'd be working a total of 40 hours. It's confusing, but I don't want to get into all the details. So right now, my schedule still feels a bit hectic, but I'm doing my best to stay sane.
I haven't been to the gym very often since August, and I'm glad I went today. I swam 80yds in 30 minutes, which is slow. But I will work on going more frequently to improve my swim, and to do other exercises.
I've made two New Years Resolutions this year.
1) Live life slowly. It's so easy for us in this modern world, to rush into things and not take our time. Everything around us is "improving" and getting "easier." But I'm not too sure I want that. Sure, I still use cell phones, but I've never relied on it too much, and I don't plan on changing that. I want to be able to notice things around me more. I want to be able to appreciate the small things in life more. I don't want to miss anything.
2) To do my best to reduce Electromagnetic Radiation around me. For example, I plan on either finding a battery operated alarm clock to leave by my bedside, or to move my plug-in alarm clock further away from my bed; no longer charging or leaving my cell phone by my bedside at night; removing the power strip by my bed (I only have one thing plugged into it); to use my cell phone less; etc.
I'm now freaking out about grad school applications. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I've already missed a couple deadlines for some schools. Which I'm not terrified about because I can always apply for those ones next year, if I don't get into one this year. But I my first really important one is due in 6 days and I'm not even halfway ready for it.
OH! Another update is that I've decided to start my first natural medicine collection. I've already created a short list of items to start with in small amounts to see how they work on me. I'd like to try to get an affordable wall cabinet for the bathroom with a glass window/door, so I can put them in there. Natural meds are awesome for decor because they can be put in glass jars and bottles and they natural oils give off different colors, etc. I think it'll look kinda old school and I'm excited for that.
Anyhow, that's what I've been up to lately. I have class starting up again on the 10th, so I will probably feel crazy again. But I'll do my best to stop by and blog more about more interesting things.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Where I'm at Today...
It has been 8 months since my last entry. I have thought about how I've been neglecting the blog...but I felt like I didn't have anything great to say. However, a lot HAS happened since the ball dropped on Jan 1st at midnight...
I lost my job.
I struggled to find a new job.
I finalized my plans to go to grad school.
My oldest nephew turned 4.
I have been very poor. I haven't been this poor since before I was 16 and working.
My friends surprised me with tickets to Adele!
I finally got a full time position.
...many more...but I just have a terrible memory, so I'm done listing because it makes me feel like a terrible person.
So!
I got hired for a small non-profit, state supported agency working 25hrs every other weekend in a group home environment. I'm working with 4 adult women who have developmental disorders, and I absolutely love it. I love them. I have my favorites, but I won't list them because that's just rude. I also love the staff I work with, especially my partner in crime, Lois, whom I will be working with every shift. I especially love the fact that I like my bosses. Well, I can say I like the Director for sure. But my direct supervisor, I'm sure she'll be fine...the thing is...I only met her once since I've gotten hired. The interview. She got into a bad car accident the day before my first day of training/orientation, so I never got to see her again. She will still be out of work for several more weeks.
I then just recently got hired as a full time staff member for a bigger agency that is owned by a huge non-profit org that I have always wanted to work for. So that's kinda cool! I work 30hrs/week and get benefits again!!! The first thing I'll do is call the dentist and schedule my appointment. Oh, how I've missed them. This is a group home for 4 elderly women. I'm excited for the job, but at the same time I'm not. Because I'd prefer to be working with the other house full time. But whatever. They're both good for my grad school admissions.
Grad School: I just finished General Bio. oh boy...I have never enjoyed this subject, nor have I ever done well. I started the class telling my friends that I would do my best to get an A. Even though I said that, I still doubted it. I had awesome professors and an awesome lab partner...and I GOT AN A!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. But I did it! So the next two classes I have to take to fulfill MOST program's pre-requisite requirements are Anatomy and Physiology. I start A&P 1 in 1.5 weeks. I'm excited and scared at the same time. A&P 2, I'll take in the Spring. I might also have to take another class like Physics or something in the spring as well to meet requirements for a couple other classes. I'm trying to get into grad school for a master's in occupational therapy. There are two master's programs: Master's of Arts, or Master's of Science. Until earlier this morning, I thought I'd go to the MAOT. But some of the programs I'm interested in are MSOTs...and these are the programs that would require some more science courses. My goal is to have a list of programs I'd like to apply to, before my next class starts, because I know I won't have as much time to do the research. I created an excel spreadsheet that will help me narrow my decisions.
Another goal I have is to lose 10 pounds by the end of August. I wasn't paying much attention when I said this, but I think it was about 2 weeks ago. I've already lost 6lbs...so only 4 more to go to meet my goal. I have more to lose after that, so I won't stop at the 10lbs.
See? So many new things.
Oh, I've also had a headache for the past week. It's strange.
I will try to blog some more as things come up. This one was kinda boring because it had to do with my personal whereabouts. But all the really exciting events have been video recorded for VLOGGING! It can be so much more exciting for the audience. But I should probably continue blogging for my own mental health, eh?
I lost my job.
I struggled to find a new job.
I finalized my plans to go to grad school.
My oldest nephew turned 4.
I have been very poor. I haven't been this poor since before I was 16 and working.
My friends surprised me with tickets to Adele!
I finally got a full time position.
...many more...but I just have a terrible memory, so I'm done listing because it makes me feel like a terrible person.
So!
I got hired for a small non-profit, state supported agency working 25hrs every other weekend in a group home environment. I'm working with 4 adult women who have developmental disorders, and I absolutely love it. I love them. I have my favorites, but I won't list them because that's just rude. I also love the staff I work with, especially my partner in crime, Lois, whom I will be working with every shift. I especially love the fact that I like my bosses. Well, I can say I like the Director for sure. But my direct supervisor, I'm sure she'll be fine...the thing is...I only met her once since I've gotten hired. The interview. She got into a bad car accident the day before my first day of training/orientation, so I never got to see her again. She will still be out of work for several more weeks.
I then just recently got hired as a full time staff member for a bigger agency that is owned by a huge non-profit org that I have always wanted to work for. So that's kinda cool! I work 30hrs/week and get benefits again!!! The first thing I'll do is call the dentist and schedule my appointment. Oh, how I've missed them. This is a group home for 4 elderly women. I'm excited for the job, but at the same time I'm not. Because I'd prefer to be working with the other house full time. But whatever. They're both good for my grad school admissions.
Grad School: I just finished General Bio. oh boy...I have never enjoyed this subject, nor have I ever done well. I started the class telling my friends that I would do my best to get an A. Even though I said that, I still doubted it. I had awesome professors and an awesome lab partner...and I GOT AN A!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. But I did it! So the next two classes I have to take to fulfill MOST program's pre-requisite requirements are Anatomy and Physiology. I start A&P 1 in 1.5 weeks. I'm excited and scared at the same time. A&P 2, I'll take in the Spring. I might also have to take another class like Physics or something in the spring as well to meet requirements for a couple other classes. I'm trying to get into grad school for a master's in occupational therapy. There are two master's programs: Master's of Arts, or Master's of Science. Until earlier this morning, I thought I'd go to the MAOT. But some of the programs I'm interested in are MSOTs...and these are the programs that would require some more science courses. My goal is to have a list of programs I'd like to apply to, before my next class starts, because I know I won't have as much time to do the research. I created an excel spreadsheet that will help me narrow my decisions.
Another goal I have is to lose 10 pounds by the end of August. I wasn't paying much attention when I said this, but I think it was about 2 weeks ago. I've already lost 6lbs...so only 4 more to go to meet my goal. I have more to lose after that, so I won't stop at the 10lbs.
See? So many new things.
Oh, I've also had a headache for the past week. It's strange.
I will try to blog some more as things come up. This one was kinda boring because it had to do with my personal whereabouts. But all the really exciting events have been video recorded for VLOGGING! It can be so much more exciting for the audience. But I should probably continue blogging for my own mental health, eh?
Friday, December 24, 2010
Mirror Walls
Last Wednesday, I went to the gym. I have been to this location about 3 times previously, however I've never noticed this before...
Why are there mirrored walls at every gym? Is it because people who work out are vain? They like to look at themselves as much as they can? Why do people look at themselves when working out?
I understand that it may help when using free weights because you want to make sure you're doing it correctly...but what about the main gym floor? Why would one want to look at themselves while running on the treadmill, elliptical or stationary bike?
On this evening, I wanted to use the crossramp elliptical. Guess where it was? RIGHT infront of the mirror. No joke. RIGHT infront. My face was about a foot away from the mirror. The swinging arm stick was centimeters away from hitting the mirror. Because I was so close to the wall, I had no televisions or asses to look at. So what did I do? I stared at the people working out behind me. How often can you say you've done that, eh? I didn't enjoy looking at people through the mirror because it's really awkward when you make eye contact...through the mirror. However, it WAS better than starring at myself the entire time.
Why are there mirrored walls at every gym? Is it because people who work out are vain? They like to look at themselves as much as they can? Why do people look at themselves when working out?
I understand that it may help when using free weights because you want to make sure you're doing it correctly...but what about the main gym floor? Why would one want to look at themselves while running on the treadmill, elliptical or stationary bike?
On this evening, I wanted to use the crossramp elliptical. Guess where it was? RIGHT infront of the mirror. No joke. RIGHT infront. My face was about a foot away from the mirror. The swinging arm stick was centimeters away from hitting the mirror. Because I was so close to the wall, I had no televisions or asses to look at. So what did I do? I stared at the people working out behind me. How often can you say you've done that, eh? I didn't enjoy looking at people through the mirror because it's really awkward when you make eye contact...through the mirror. However, it WAS better than starring at myself the entire time.
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